i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
