oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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