"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
