His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
