Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
