I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found your dick twin last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
