You're my little dorito
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
