I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
