im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
