Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
