Pants 0. Shit 1.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
