We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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