I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
