If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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