there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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