ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
