Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
