there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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