I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
