I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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