Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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