you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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