listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize