last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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