I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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