I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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