and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
