my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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