They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
