real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
