Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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