We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
