By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
