Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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