you guys were way drunker than both of me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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