Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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