Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
