I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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