They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
