There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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