Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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