You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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