the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
