Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
