Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
