Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
