i think my tv is drunk
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Boobs are out for the taking
They are going to name an STD after you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
