Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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