Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
