last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
