I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
