apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
