My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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