When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
