what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
