Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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