Acid is not a monday night drug
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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