How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
