high people should be assigned attendants
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
