TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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