Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
