My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
