You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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