He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
